“Night sweetheart!”, he yells while locking the glass door. She waves her hand over her head and walks towards her car, fighting a gag reflex. She hated when he said that. And of course he said it every damned night. One last hurdle of disgust before she could go home. Working here was a demeaning grind, far from where she saw herself ending up as a kid, but it was still work.
Sliding into the drivers seat, tossing her high heels into the back, she digs her nails into her arms and scratches. A daily ritual she found herself doing in a fruitless attempt to rip away the memories of all the strangers who had touched her that night. As the key turns the ignition, she catches herself in the rear-view. Her eyes look sunken and heavy. Her makeup was thinning from of a day of fake smiles and laughs. “Are you still in there?” she asks herself. Is that little girl who wanted to be an actor and explorer still hiding behind those glassy eyes?
They hadn’t been on speaking terms for years. The harshness and brutality of life had hardened them both. Truth be told, she was afraid that little girl was gone for good. Finally stomped out by yet another lover that who ended his nights with his knuckles rather than a kiss. Her body tenses as she clicks the gearshift into reverse.
Streetlights flash and bounce off her face as she speeds down the boulevard. Her mind drifts to her youth. The school days she had once hated, seemed like heaven now. Back then she was somebody. She was popular, pretty, and completely sure life was going to be great. Back then, she liked how the mirror looked. But now she’s just another girl pretending not to feel sick each time she takes drinks to a table. Just another night fighting the urge to close her eyes, and press the pedal. Pulling into her driveway, she puts the windows up, so the baby sitter doesn’t hear. She sits in a cold white glow under the porch light and behind the windshield. Her mouth rips open in a violent motion. Her body tightens and shakes. The tears begin to pour down her face. All this convulsion happens in complete silence outside of the car. It never gets any easier.